Chris Voss spent two decades at the FBI and became the Bureau’s lead kidnapping negotiator. Today he sits down with Nicole to teach you how to leverage the same psychological tactics to get the salary you want. Chris and Nicole break down exactly what to say to get a raise, how to walk into a new job offer and negotiate without burning bridges, and how to get people to want to pay you more.
Chris reveals why finding “common ground” is actually a recipe for resentment, why throwing out a number first can kill a deal, and the three conflict types — fight, flight, and make friends — that explain how almost every deal goes sideways.
Then Nicole and Chris get into why remote work might be quietly tanking your career, an analysis of President Trump’s negotiation style and The Art of the Deal, plus the two lines of code planted in your head before age five that drive everything you do with money, work, and relationships. Finally, because Nicole had to ask, Chris explains what you should say if you’re ever in a hostage situation.
Check out Nicole's financial literacy course The Money School
Find a Financial Advisor or Financial Coach from Nicole's company Private Wealth Collective
Watch video clips from the pod on Money Rehab's Instagram and Nicole Lapin's Instagram
Check out Nicole’s Favorite Chris Voss Book “Never Split the Difference”
Learn More About The Black Swan Method
Here's what Nicole covers with Chris:
00:00 Are You Ready for Some Money Rehab?
01:00 Why Splitting the Difference Builds Resentment
03:19 The Myth of “Common Ground”
06:57 Stories From Being the Lead Hostage Negotiator For the FBI
07:51 How to Get Your Boss to Want to Pay You More
16:00 The Mistake of Getting Too Personal
18:51 What Should You Say If You’re a Hostage?
19:19 In A Raise Negotiation, Should You Bring Up a Competing Offer?
22:19 Is Body Language Really Important?
27:12 Does Chris Voss Get Nervous While Negotiating?
28:36 Negotiation Role Play and the Script For Getting a Raise
30:31 Should You Throw Out a Number First?
32:25 Don’t Ask “How Can I Help?”
42:15 Negotiating Non-Monetary Perks (Remote Work, Vacation Time, and More)43:06 Chris’ Take on Remote Work: It Makes You a C-Player
47:31 How to Use Empathy in a Negotiation
48:00 Why Being Playful Makes You 31% Smarter
50:20 The Three Conflict Types and Why Deals Die
59:00 Analyzing Donald Trump’s Negotiation Style
01:08:51 Debunking Negotiation Myths
01:16:00 Rating Deal-Making Cliches
01:18:13 How To Get Inside Someone’s Head
01:22:38 How Your Upbringing Influences Your Negotiation Skills
01:25:47 Chris Voss's Tip You Can Take Straight to the Bank