The people who benefit most from your lack of boundaries are often the ones who react worst when you finally set them, boundary expert Nedra Glover Tawwab explains why.
In this episode of Begin Again, licensed therapist, relationship expert and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Davina to explore how to create healthy connections without losing yourself. Together, they unpack what a boundary actually is, why different relationships require different boundaries, and how speaking up for your needs can transform the way you love, work and live.
Nedra explains why setting a boundary can feel so frightening, particularly when you fear rejection, conflict or abandonment. She shares how to respond when someone becomes angry, withdraws or gives you the silent treatment—and why another person’s reaction does not necessarily mean your boundary was wrong.
Davina and Nedra also explore codependency, hyper-independence and healthy dependency. They discuss why constantly rescuing, fixing or supporting other people can leave you exhausted and invisible, and how fear of losing a relationship can lead you to give up too much of yourself to keep it.
Nedra opens up about growing up around addiction, being exposed to adult problems from a young age, and learning to listen before she was able to speak freely for herself. She reflects on how those experiences shaped her understanding of people and led her towards a career helping others build healthier relationships.
They also discuss parenting, consent, vulnerability and the patterns we carry from childhood into adulthood. Nedra explains why your children are not younger versions of you, why healing cannot happen entirely in isolation, and how relationships give us the opportunity to practise everything we have learned about ourselves.
At its heart, this is a conversation about loving people without abandoning yourself. Nedra reminds us that we are not permanently trapped by our childhood, attachment style or past relationships. Change may feel uncomfortable, but as long as we are alive, we have the ability to show up differently.
Nedra Glover Tawwab reminds us that boundaries are not about pushing people away. They are how we protect our energy, communicate our needs and create relationships in which both people have space to exist.
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(00:00) Intro
(01:02) Meet Nedra Glover Tawwab
(01:24) What Is a Boundary?
(03:36) How to Set Boundaries With Your Children
(08:13) How Growing Up Around Addiction Shaped Nedra
(11:11) Becoming the “Therapist” as a Child
(13:37) The Client Who Changed Nedra’s Career
(16:08) When People React Badly to Your Boundaries
(17:59) How to Respond to the Silent Treatment
(21:42) Why Other People’s Reactions Aren’t Always About You
(25:18) How to Set Boundaries Around Sex
(27:02) Do Health Ad
(28:13) saily Ad
(29:07) How to Open Up and Be Vulnerable
(32:50) Loving Someone Who Struggles to Let You In
(34:01) Codependency, Hyper-Independence and Healthy Dependency
(39:32) How to Build a Healthy Relationship After Unhealthy Love
(42:32) What Your Breakup Can Teach You About Yourself
(45:18) How to Stop Passing Your Triggers to Your Children
(49:31) Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard
(51:42) How Small Acts of Kindness Can Change a Life
(54:33) How to Reconnect With Your Inner Child
(58:34) What’s Next for Nedra
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